Radical Womanhood

The Real Mommy Wars

(Desiring God asked me to contribute a post to this week's Mommy Wars series. Here's my contribution...)

As a part of American jargon, the “mommy wars” have raged for more than 20 years. The term was coined in the late 1980s by Child magazine to describe the tension that existed between working and stay-at-home mothers. Since then, numerous books and articles have been published about the so-called mommy wars, feeding the talk show circuit and fueling blogosphere brushfires.

But our history of cultural ambivalence about motherhood is much longer. Allow me a moment for a quick overview.

Shortly after our nation was founded, motherhood hit a high note. As historian Glenna Matthews writes in Just A Housewife, this new political experiment needed mothers:

 There were no precedents for a republic on the scale of the United States. Many people believed that the new nation would require the support of a uniquely public-spirited citizenry. If citizens must learn to place a high value on the public interest, this was a lesson they would need to begin in childhood. Thus the home became crucial to the success of the nation and women—whose education began to be taken much more seriously than ever before—gained the role of ‘Republican Mother.’

Soon the Republican Motherhood concept began to spill out of the home into the public square as women organized benevolent agencies to combat drunkenness, slavery, gambling, and other problems of the age.

But Republican Motherhood met its demise when Charles Darwin released his 1859 publication, On the Origin of Species. Darwin viewed women as lesser beings in the system of evolution. His ideas were immediately embraced by Social Darwinists, who claimed that since men had always fought for survival in the world, they were honed by competition and natural selection. In comparison, women were sheltered from this process because they were at home with the children—thus, they “evolved” more slowly.

With motherhood thus devalued, children became the next targets. Margaret Sanger, who founded what later became Planned Parenthood, believed that most evils stemmed from large families. As she wrote in her 1920 book, Woman and the New Race, “the most merciful thing that a large family does to one of its infant members is to kill it.”

Sanger was a vocal proponent of eugenics—the theory of race improvement that was the cornerstone of Nazi Germany. Her monthly magazine, Woman Rebel, was published under the slogan, “No gods; no masters!” For Sanger, the birth control movement was founded on two goals: limiting the reproduction of the “unfit” and challenging Christian teaching by creating a “new morality.” She campaigned against women who “with staggering rapidity” were breeding “those numberless, undesired children who become the clogs and the destroyers of civilization.” Sanger’s scorched-earth writing left no one guessing about her views. Confidently, she predicted a future that never materialized—and arguably was precisely the opposite in the century that followed.

When motherhood becomes the fruit of a deep yearning, not the result of ignorance or accident, its children will become the foundation of a new race. There will be no killing of babies in the womb by abortion, nor through neglect in foundling homes, nor will there be infanticide. … Child slavery, prostitution, feeblemindedness, physical deterioration, hunger, oppression and war will disappear from the earth. … When the womb becomes fruitful through the desire of an aspiring love, another Newton will come forth to unlock further the secrets of the earth and the stars. There will come a Plato who will be understood, a Socrates who will drink no hemlock, and a Jesus who will not die upon the cross.

On the contrary, there is no hope for “child slavery, prostitution, feeblemindedness, physical deterioration, hunger, oppression and war to disappear from the earth” if the Father’s righteous anger against these terrible sins is not satisfied! Where would justice be in the universe if such sins go overlooked? There is no hope of a new heavens and a new earth, free from the effects of the fall, without the atonement of our sinless Savior. There is no hope for mercy to triumph over judgment unless it be found at the foot of that cross. Our only hope is the cross!

Therefore, the real “mommy wars” are not against other people and their parenting styles, nor even against Darwin, Sanger or those who promote similar ideologies. As Ephesians 6:12 says, “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” The real mommy wars are spiritual. And this conflict began with the very first mother, Eve.

Her initial assignment, along with her husband Adam, was to be “fruitful and multiply and fill the earth” (Gen. 1:28). But after the Fall, childbearing became painful and opposed. When the Lord God cursed the serpent that deceived Eve, He said, “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel” (Gen. 3:15). Ever since, Satan has labored to destroy the offspring of those who are made in the image of God. The real mommy wars are not against flesh and blood, but against the one who seeks to destroy the next generation of those who would rise up to praise God.

You may be a mother and in the thick of rearing children right now. Perhaps it took you several attempts to read this blog post, thanks to the constant interruptions of young children. Your daily life may consist of dozens of repetitive tasks that feel mundane and irrelevant. This is absolutely not true! You are engaged in spiritual warfare. You are standing against those who believe heinous lies, like “the most merciful thing that a large family does to one of its infant members is to kill it.” By bearing and nurturing life, you are reflecting the life-giving characteristics of our holy God! Made in His image, you are reflecting Him when you care for the lives He has created.

This applies to those of us who are childless, too. Whether you are not yet married, or married but not yet pregnant, or past the age of bearing children—whatever season of life you are in, you are still part of the great community of believers who are called to witness to the majesty of God: “One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts” (Psalm 145:4). It may be quite bitter not to have children of your own, but I ask you to be strategic about the battle. Where can you stand against the devil’s schemes and invest in the children God has already put in your life? Where can you reach out? So many hurting children exist and so many are being discarded.

The real “mommy war” needs every believing woman to enlist. The battle is more significant and more costly than we truly perceive.

------------

Carolyn McCulley adapted this blog post from her book, Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World. In addition to being a writer and speaker, Carolyn is also a director/producer and founder of Citygate Films.

Redeeming Church Conflicts

"Looking around at the modern church landscape, it can sometimes feel like bitter irony that the Bible says the manifold wisdom of God is to be shown through his church (Eph. 3:10)--so many conflicts, so many church splits, so many factions! and yet we serve a God who is rich in mercy and does not give up on us."

That is how I started my endorsement of a book that I think is timely and much needed for modern churches--Redeeming Church Conflicts: Turning Crisis into Compassion and Care by Tara Klena Barthel and David V. Edling. I continued:

"If you find yourself find the midst of church conflict, this book will be a balm to your soul and revive your confidence in the work of the Holy Spirit among his people. Tara Barthel and David Edling have written a wise and tender reminder that our Lord's redemptive purposes extend even today to the most fractious church bodies. Whether you are an ordained leader or a new church member, Redeeming Church Conflicts is a must read. It will give you hope that whatever conflicts you are currently in, or will encounter in the future, can be resolved in a holy and purposeful manner to the praise of God's glory."

Unfortunately, church conflicts are nothing new. In fact, the first church conflict is recorded for us in Acts 15, where the apostle Paul has a sharp disagreement with Barnabas. By studying this account, Tara and David have developed a model for redeeming church conflicts, which is the structure for their book. They introduce and outline this model in this way:

Perspective: In a church conflict, we can know for certain we have lost perspective if we begin to take conflicts as personal offenses. Conversely, if we see so-called opponents with eyes of compassion, we know God is working in us to redeem the conflict for his glory and our growth.

Discernment: In a church conflict, we know we are on the path of healing discernment if we find ourselves spending more time listening than speaking. Further, as we carefully form and ask questions seeking group health rather than merely advancing a personally favored solution, evidence emerges that God's work of redemption is advancing not only his interests but also our holiness.

Leadership: In a church conflict, if we embrace our personal and individual responsibility for leadership within each of our own personal spheres of influence, we gradually become group problem solvers and increasingly turn away from narrow personal agendas. The more we see ourselves as shepherd-leaders serving others among God's flock, the greater the opportunity for creating an environment from which peace will flow.

Biblical reponse: In a church conflict, as we remember that Christ loves his church more than we ever will and that he has paid more than we ever will, our confidence in the Bible and our commitment to faithful pursuit of biblical responses to conflict will be clear and steadfast. One of the biggest mistakes people make in church conflict is failing to trust Scripture.

Using this structure, the authors build out their teaching through chapters such as "Eternity Makes a Difference;" "Actions, Desires, and Beliefs;" "Working with Church Groups;" "Owning My Contribution to Conflict;" "How Can I Glorify God in This Mess?""Speaking Truth in Love;" and "Forgive as Christ Forgives." 

As David says, one of the first victims of a church conflict is hope. I want to do my part for those of you today who are in the midst of conflict and are flagging in hope. I want to get this book into your hands, so Tara has graciously agreed to give away a free, signed book to the first five people who contact her at info@tarabarthel.com. But for all those who miss that opportunity, you can still find excerpts from the book on the authors' blog, as well as additional posts on topics such as abusive churches, church discipline, lawsuits and church conflict, confrontation and more. 

This Momentary Marriage: Ian and Larissa's Story

If you've been reading my blog over the years, you've been introduced to Ian & Larissa Murphy. Their stories have encouraged many people, so much so that I ended up creating their own category on my blog. Therefore, I was very pleased when Desiring God asked Citygate Films to produce a short documentary about them. What an honor to showcase their faith on film! 

Even though my company produced this film, I'm not going to be bashful about promoting this piece. The reason is not for the filmmaking--it is because of the tremendous, God-honoring faith that Ian and Larissa express. I still cry every time I watch it. May I suggest that you share this with friends who have suffered traumatic brain injury, or any kind of disabling accident? More importantly, may I suggest that you offer respite relief and support to anyone who is a regular caregiver to loved ones who are seriously ill or injured? The Murphys are very fortunate to have a strong community of family and friends who support them in various ways, but this is not true of everyone in similar situations.

I hope you have eight minutes to spare to be inspired by their story!

(Note to fans of The Vow, we filmed this long before the feature film and updated book was released. But it's wonderful to know stories like these aren't isolated, thanks to the grace of God.)

A Spanish-subtitled version is also available.

At Home: A Short History of Private Life

One of the most enjoyable mainstream books I've read in recent months is Bill Bryson's At Home: A Short History of Private Life. Determined to discover why we live as we do, Bryson ended up penning an amusing rabbit trail of large swaths of human history. An engaging writer, Bryson's dry wit manages to convey tremendous volumes of detail while keeping the reader thoroughly entertained. One of my favorite lines, written about a project engineer, showcases Bryson's flair: "He was indubitably a genius, but an unnerving one, as it nearly always took epic infusions of time and cash to find a point of intersection between his soaring visions and an achievable reality." Love that description!

The premise of At Home is summarized in the preface:

Houses are amazingly complex repositories. What I found, to my great surprise, is that whatever happens in the world--whatever is discovered or created or bitterly fought over--eventually ends up, in one way or another, in your house. Wars, famines, the Industrial Revolution, the Enlightenment--they are all there in your sofas and chests of drawers, tucked into the folds of your curtains, in the downy softness of your pillows, in the paint of your walls and the water of your pipes. So the history of household life isn't just a history of beds and sofas and kitchen stoves, as I had vaguely supposed it would be, but of scurvy and guano and the Eiffel Tower and bedbugs and body-snatching and just about everything else that has ever happened. Houses aren't refuges from history. They are where history ends up.

It is appropriate that I write this review from an historic mansion in Cape May, NJ. As the nation's first seaside resort, Cape May is a living tribute to the Victorian era. The elaborate furniture and traditions that we associate with the Victorians is contrasted in my mind with the developments of glass, sewer systems, and flush toilets that Bryson recounts in this book. Why did brass beds come into vogue? Bedbugs. Why did Chicago become a booming center of trade? Ice. What were among the most treasured commodities in the world? Spices. 

And did you know that Thomas Jefferson was not only the author of the Declaration of Independence, but also the father of the American french fry?

Bryson even detours into church life in the 19th century, giving modern church-goers another reason to be grateful for their modern facilities: 

Many churches made most of their money from burials, and were loath to give up such lucrative business. At the Enon Baptist Church on Clement's Lane in Holborn (now the site of the campus of the London School of Economics), the church authorities managed to cram a colossal twelve thousand bodies in the cellar in just nineteen years. Not surprisingly, such a volume of rotting flesh created odors that could not well be contained. It was a rare service in which several worshippers didn't faint. Eventually, most stopped coming altogether, but still the chapel kept accepting bodies for interment. The parson needed the income."

In fact, Bryson notes that the medical journal The Lancet ran "occasional reports of people overcome by bad air while visiting graveyards."

The chapter on human waste, urban sewage troubles, and the invention of the flush toilet leaves one practically without words. If you can think of no other reason to be grateful today, be grateful you live in the hygienic era of toilets and germ theory! And this is where we can circle back to Cape May. 

But where America was really ahead of the rest of the world was in the provision of private bathrooms. Here the main driver was not homeowners, but hotels. The very first hotel in the world to offer a bath for every bedroom was the Mount Vernon Hotel in the resort community of Cape May, New Jersey. This was in 1853 and was so far ahead of its time that over half a century passed before any other hotels offered such exravagance.

Finally, sprinkled throughout his prose are quick references to the history of a word or phrase. As Bryson writes, "Perhaps the most irrational fashion act of all was the male habit for 150 years of wearing wigs. ... Wigs were so valuable--a full one could cost £50--that they were left as bequests in wills. The more substantial the wig, the higher up the social echelon one stood--one became literally a bigwig."

If you want to know the history of nearly everything you use on a daily basis, this book will explain it all to you. And then some.

(Photo: The Southern Mansion in Cape May.)

From a Black Female Congregant

My friend, Trillia Newbell, wrote a piece for her online magazine that was picked up by The Gospel Coalition blog. I'm glad to see "Dear Pastor: From a Black Female Congregant" get some traction. Here are two excerpts to introduce the topic:

The topic of race and church life has been billowing about in the blogosphere. Maybe there is a renewed interest because of the release of John Piper’s book Bloodlines and the subsequent features on Desiring God. Whatever it is, I’m thankful. I’m thankful that there seems to be an open dialogue about race particularly as it relates to black and whites worshiping together. With that said, I do believe after reading books, articles, and blog posts I find one element of the black experience missing-that is the black female experience.

I grew up being told that I have to work triple as hard because I am black and then triple that because I am female. So, that’s what I did. I grew wanting to be Oprah but “better”. Because of the socio-economic position of many blacks this need to be driven is ingrained in us. And if we have opportunities like I did, we best take advantage of them. Many of the black females I ran with in college went on to be doctors, lawyers, etc. I was looked down upon by a research professor when I expressed my desire to stop grad school and do the internship with my church college ministry Volunteers For Christ. See, I was forfeiting all that the civil rights leaders had worked so hard for me to be able to do- I had gotten into law school and wasn’t going to go.

I highly recommend that you read all of "Dear Pastor" on Trillia's webzine, especially her gracious conclusion.